Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A Dumb Diary
by angellwings
Summary: "What is the point of a diary/journal? Does anyone know? I can't believe I'm doing this. I do not need to write down my experiences. This is dumb." Jason forces Nate to keep a diary during their second summer. Follow up to "Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn"
1. June 7th & 8th, 2010

**A/N:** Thanks to Poet on the Run and JDPhoenix for looking over this story for me! They're amazing! Also this is a follow up to "Insanity, thy name is Caitlyn: A Pointless Diary" so go read that one before you read this one. There WILL be somethings you don't understand in this story if you don't. Enjoy!

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 7th, 2010

What is the point of a diary/journal? Does anyone know?

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I do not need to write down my experiences.

This is dumb.

**Nate, this will be good for you. Especially after what went down with Ella.**

Jase, WHY are you making me keep a journal? This is DUMB.

**It's a diary.**

Journal.

**Caity says calling it a journal is wimpy.**

She's dumb.

**You're dumb.**

I'm not doing this.

_Dude, just do it. That way Jason will stop bugging you (and coincidentally me.)_

**Caitlyn really likes her diary.**

Yes, but she's A GIRL. Girls are SUPPOSED to keep diaries.

_Caitlyn has a diary? Haha. Oh man, that's priceless. Can I use it as ammunition?_

**NO!**

_Ah, come on, Jase! She picks on me ALL THE TIME!_

That's because you make it so easy for her, man.

_Shut up._

Why are we writing back and forth? Could we not actually talk to each other?

_Probably._

**This is just more fun.**

For you maybe. I'm the one holding the dia-JOURNAL while the two of you lean across me to write in it.

_Haha, you called it a diary._

Shut up.

Really, you're singing tauntingly about me having a dia—JOURNAL? What are you? Five years old?

_I'm a teenage boy. Mitchie says that's essentially the same thing. _

I take offense to that. I don't act like a 5 year old.

**Nope, you act like a grumpy, pompous old man.**

HEY!

**What? You do.**

_Yep._

If you're going to insult me in my own dia—JOURNAL (GAH!) then, please, get your own pens! HA! That's right, neither of you have one! One point for Nate!

Now, if I'm going to be FORCED to write in this thing I suppose I should tell you why. Jason thinks it will help me learn things about myself. It appears I need to learn how to make suggestions, give advice, and

_NOT BE A STICK IN THE MUD! (I found a pen *smirk*)_

**ME TOO! Now why don't you explain WHY you need to learn those things, Nate?**

Will you two back off? I'm getting there.

See this girl, Ella, wrote a song. A good song.

Which caught me off guard. I mean I figured the girl had talent. Most people at Camp Rock do. I heard her sing at Final Jam last summer, and I remember thinking she had a good voice. But I never thought about her writing music. It's not that I thought she couldn't. I just didn't think she was interested.

So, this song blew my mind, but it was a little weak in its composition. So, I took notes and wrote down some suggestions. I showed them to her and SHE FLIPPED OUT.

**But WHY did she flip out, Nate? Don't grumble at me.**

BECAUSE, apparently, my tone made her feel stupid. That was NOT my intention. Cait says I'm condescending. Speaking of Cait.

Her stupid diary is why Jason's making me keep a journal.

Curse you, Caitlyn Gellar.

Not only do I have to write in a journal thanks to her, but I now feel guilty about how I treated Ella. Before she said anything I was happily oblivious. I would have been fine having Ella hate my guts as long as I kept believing she was the one with the problem.

But no.

Cait had to point out that I was the one with the problem. That girl is really starting to bug me.

So now I have to apologize (because it will bug me if I don't) to Ella tonight at the jam.

I'm very bad at apologies. Very, very bad. So I anticipate that this will be awkward.

But I'll let you know after the jam. Which is about to start in a few minutes.

See ya.

_Later, Nate's DIARY._

Journal!

**In the words of Chad Dylan Cooper, "Peace out, SUCKA!"**

STOP WRITING IN MY DIARY!

_LMAO, you said DIARY!_

Damn it.

JOURNAL!

THIS IS A JOURNAL!

**Lies.**

*sigh* I give up.

_So, you admit this is a diary?_

Shove off, Shane.

**How do you "shove off"? Is that even possible?**

*sigh* (AGAIN)

Welcome to my life.

8:35 PM

So, wouldn't you know, Ella performed the song I tried to improve (without adding my suggestions) AND WON. That should teach me to think my way is the only way. She completely rocked the stage. I have a feeling she was driven by a need to prove me wrong. I could kind of see it in her eyes when she looked at me.

Anyway, thanks to that win…I couldn't get near her for the rest of the night. She was constantly caught up in a crowd of people. The few times I caught her eye she looked like she was enjoying herself.

She was torturing me. It worked.

Ugh.

I HAVE to talk to her tonight. If I don't do it tonight I never will.

I guess I'm paying a visit to her cabin.

Be back when the deed is done.

9:15 PM

That was awkward. Oh so awkward.

And I did something I really wasn't planning on doing.

And I don't know why.

So, I went over there, and we talked out on the porch. It went like this:

Me: I'm very sorry.

Ella: Do you even know what you're supposed to be sorry for?

Me: For being a condescending jerk?

Ella: Go on.

Me: And for thinking my way was the only way?

Ella: I appreciate that.

She paused for a second before speaking again.

Ella: It's possible that I overreacted. I mean it wouldn't have killed me to try and get past your tone to hear what you were saying.

And then there was silence. A long, long silence. I had to say something, didn't I?

Me: Um, you know, if you need help with your songs I would be more than willing to offer you some tips and pointers or anything…

Ella: That sounds great, actually.

Me: Really?

Ella: Well, yeah. I'm pretty new to this, and you…well, you know way more than I do about writing songs.

Me: Okay, um deal. We'll meet after your classes are over?

Ella: Sure.

Me: See you tomorrow, then.

Ella: Good night, Nate.

Me: Night, Ella.

I agreed to help Ella with her songs. Why did I do this? I have no idea. What will this lead to? No idea. Am I curious? Extremely.

The song she sang tonight turned out to be perfect without my help so who's to say her other songs need my help at all?

Either way, it will be a learning experience.

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

June 8th, 2010

Well, today didn't go well.

I mean it did, but it didn't.

Ella was very patient. She didn't get offended. Well, if she did she kept it to herself. Which is a step forward…or is it? From what I know about Ella she's very upfront about how she feels. Should I be worried that she seemed okay with my glib suggestions? Cause let me tell you…I tried, but my "suggestions" were very blunt.

The more I think about this…the more I worry.

Should I go check on her?

*sigh*

Caitlyn's got me paranoid. Was I harsh? Or did I imagine it?

Oh okay, here's Shane. I'll ask him.

Nevermind, he's no help. He just mumbled something about Mitchie and left. Jason! Jason's here! He'll help.

No…he won't. Apparently Caitlyn wasn't in class today.

Which means Jason's preoccupied with worry over Caitlyn.

Ugh. Alright. I'm off to find Ella.

10:05 PM

I found Ella.

Apparently she had been holding in a few things.

I'm a jerk. Why can't I not be a jerk?

Me: I—Was I harsh with you earlier?

Ella: A little. I mean, you were, but you were trying. It's okay.

Me: No, it's not! I'm supposed to be learning how to do this nicely. I can't do that if you don't tell me when I cross a line, Ella!

Apparently I had done it again. Because she couldn't look me in the eyes.

Ella: …sorry.

Me: Okay, I think I liked you better when you overreacted. If you're yelling I feel like less of a monster. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just need you to be honest with me like you were before. Even if you have to yell at me. I need you to help me learn to be…less of a jerk.

Ella: You want me to overreact?

Me: I'd prefer that to underreacting.

I watched as Ella struggled with that for a moment. The look on her face was actually very cute. Her nose was wrinkled up and her lips were pursed. I couldn't help but smile slightly. Which was strange for me. Not that I don't ever smile. I just like to pick and choose my moments. An accidental smile at the wrong time could cause me a lot of hurt.

Ella: Alright, deal.

Me: Deal?

Ella: You help me with my songs, and I'll help you with your, um, jerkectomy.

I chuckled at that. Jerkectomy? That might be more adorable than her face a few minutes ago.

Oh no. I just read over what I wrote.

Did I really just call Ella cute and adorable?

Okay, alright, that's why this thing is private. No one has to know I thought those things. I didn't come here to get involved in a crush. I came here to get away from those. Two famous ex-girlfriends will do that to a guy. I'm supposed to be here rediscovering my sound and my inspiration. It's supposed to be my own personal renaissance of sorts. I told myself no girls. NO GIRLS, NATE!

Ella is my friend. My friend.

Yeah, write it a few more times, Nate. It still won't change anything. Ugh.

Anyway, here's how the conversation ended:

Me: Alright, so tomorrow…when I'm glib—

Ella: I will definitely tell you.

Me: Good, and I apologize in advance.

She chuckled (it was a very attractive chiming chuckle. Is it possible for the girl not to be cute?)

Ella: Apology accepted. Good night, Nate.

Me: Good night, Ella.

And now here I am, in my bed, anticipating the next time I see Ella.

Oh boy, I'm in trouble.


	2. June 9th & 10th, 2010

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 9th, 2010

Jason is going insane.

**I am not**.

You are too.

**I am not! **

Jason, the first class of the day hasn't even started yet, and you've already spat out a million theories of what could be wrong with Caitlyn.

**Scarlet fever! I still think she could have it!**

GO SEE HER, IDIOT! That way you'll leave me alone, and your mind will be at ease. I'm sure it's nothing. Go see her after your last class of the day. It will make you feel better. Promise.

**You're right. You're totally right.** **But my classes are boring without Caitlyn in at least ONE of them! **

Suck it up and deal. Go get your own journal to write in.

**Diary.**

Journal.

**Diary. Let me win. I'm in panic mode.**

Fine, for today it's a diary. But for today ONLY.

**WOO HOO! I win!**

Only for today.

**Still. Win.**

2:57 PM

Jason's visiting Caitlyn. FINALLY. Geez, I thought that guy was never going to leave. He was driving me insane. If he doesn't make a move on Caitlyn soon I'm going to have to hit him. HARD.

And now I'm off to meet Ella.

She's decided she wants to hear her Campfire Jam winning song WITH my suggestions. I don't think either of us are going to like it better than her version, but if she's willing to give it a shot then I am.

Wow, I don't think I've ever thought a song was better off WITHOUT my help before. This is new for me.

4:43 PM

You know how I said I was in trouble last night?

I was right. I'm in trouble.

I should have known better than to offer to spend time alone with an adorable, attractive girl. Especially one who's song writing talent seems to get better every day. Ella's cute and talented. I'm in BIG trouble.

I played her the song with my suggestions and she sang along. I was nearly distracted a few times by the light and…pure quality of her voice. But I'm a professional (Right?) and I was definitely able to keep playing. I might have fumbled on a few chords, but I don't think she noticed. After we were finished, she said:

Ella: THOSE were your suggestions?

Me: Yes…

Ella: Why didn't you just SAY so? If you could have made those suggestions—

Me: Nicely?

Ella: Well, yeah.

Me: So, you like the song better? The same? Worse?

Ella: Better, much better. It's simpler. In a good way. Your hook is much cleaner than mine. I love it. I wish I had seriously considered those things before I performed it.

Me: Are you kidding me? Ella, your version was much better than mine. The complexity is what makes it great.

Ella: Nate, you know as well as I do that your writing is better. If a song is too complex it doesn't work.

Me: Your song isn't too complex, and my writing is no different than anyone else's. Being famous doesn't mean I'm better. It means I'm lucky.

Ella: You're right. Being famous doesn't mean you're better. Being INSANELY talented makes you better. My opinion of your writing has nothing to do with your fame. It has to do with YOUR songs. They're amazing. Better than mine.

Me: I doubt that.

Ella: You don't believe me? Here.

She handed me a small pink notebook.

Me: What's this?

Ella: My songbook. Take a look. You'll see how much better your songs are than mine.

I doubted this, but Ella walked away before I could tell her I disagreed. What girl does that TO ME? Usually I can't get girls (who know who I am) to leave me alone! She's humble, beautiful, TALENTED, and doesn't care that I'm famous?

Oy.

I did as she asked, and looked over her songs. She has some weak tendencies (certain mistakes that she always makes), but they're small mistakes. Things that could even be considered stylistic. But her songs-what strikes me about them is their content. Her point of view on things is almost childlike, but it still maintains a certain level of maturity. A beautiful and puzzling contradiction.

And that's what Ella is. A wonderful contradiction.

See? BIG TROUBLE.

June 10th, 2010 (10:35 PM)

So I tried to meet with Ella somewhere other than the rehearsal cabin today…

We accomplished nothing.

But, for once, doing nothing wasn't boring. Usually I go insane when I'm not actively doing something.

We started out trying to go through a few of her songs (well let's be honest _I_ started out trying to go through her songs). Ella very quickly put a stop to that though.

Ella: Are you seriously still working?

Me: Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?

Ella: Nate, when people ask if they can work outside they never actually intend to do any work.

Me: …really?

Ella chuckled that chiming chuckle again, the one that makes something inside of me clench, before she spoke up.

Ella: Really. Don't you ever just sit back and enjoy things?

Me: Um…I enjoy…things.

Ella: Sure you do.

Me: I do!

Ella: When was the last time you just sat still and did nothing?

Me: …

Yes, I just transcribed silence, and it was a long silence. Nothing came to mind! Do I really work that much?

Ella: That's what I thought. Okay, there's a bonfire tonight, and we're going.

Me: A bonfire? Really? I don't know.

Ella sighed and laughed.

Ella: You don't get it. You're going. You don't have a choice.

Me: So is this how this is going to work? You're just going to boss me around now?

Ella: Basically.

Me: You need to stop hanging out with Caitlyn.

She rolled her eyes.

Ella: Just meet me at my cabin at around 7. Okay?

Me: Fine.

Ella smiled brightly and let out a soft excited squeak once I agreed. If anyone else had done that it would have grated on my nerves, but coming from her…I found it impossibly cute.

I did as she asked and showed up at her cabin door at 7 that night. She looked almost too pretty. It was a bonfire! Why was she dressed like that for a bonfire? Okay, maybe it was just a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top, but on Ella… it looked very nice.

Or maybe it wasn't the clothes that made her pretty.

Is it possible that Ella is just _that_ beautiful?

I think it definitely is.

You know, I just looked back at my entries…and almost every single one is about Ella.

I need help. Serious help.

I'm not even done talking about her in this entry yet.

We got to the bonfire and it wasn't as corny as I thought it was going to be. There were no organized activities. People brought blankets to sit on and made s'mores. I haven't had a s'more since I was a kid. It was more delicious than I remembered.

I was surprised I enjoyed the evening so much, but it was a lot of fun. We laid back on the blanket Ella brought and stared at the stars. I learned a lot about Ella tonight. I learned she has an older brother, her favorite flowers are daisies, she plays guitar and piano, she's an honor student, she enjoys acting, and has a terrible dating history (which she didn't mean to tell me about).

Apparently Ella gets stuck with jerks or guys who just don't enjoy her quirks.

Um…that rhymed.

(By the way I also learned about her favorite nail polish colors, movies, and televisions shows. She's a very big fan of comedy. I don't think she mentioned a single drama.)

I told her a lot more about myself than I intended. I didn't realize I had shared so much until the evening was over and I was walking her back to her cabin.

How did I get here?

This was not what I had planned for the summer.

(Also, Jason went back to see Caitlyn today as soon as his classes were over. And Shane…well I don't really know WHAT he does most days. He's always with Mitchie.)

But that was my day. Yet another day with Ella.

You'd think I'd be ready to take a break from Ella for a bit, but I'm not. I'm genuinely enjoying spending time with her.


	3. June 11th, 12th, & 13th, 2010

**A/N: **Alright, so let me say that I totally didn't realize all these entries were so short while I was writing this (I made sure to finish it before I started to post it). But I guess it's kind of fitting for Nate. Short and to the point. Anyway. So that's why there are 2 and 3 days in all of these chapters. These entries are just really really short, and I want you guys to have satisfying chapter lengths. :) Enjoy! And PLEASE review. I'm so happy you guys are adding this to favorites and alerts, but reviews really make me day. Seriously, a good review can make ANY day better. :D

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 11th, 2010 (10:46 PM)

Another late update. I'm not so good at the updating every few hours. I'd much rather just wait till the days over and summarize everything.

Unlike Caitlyn…whose diary is practically GLUED to her hand.

Today was the second day in a row that Ella and I did NO work. Sure we had class, but after class when we met to go over her songs…we did nothing.

I actually let her get away with a second day of nothing.

Yep, I'm in deep.

We sat on the pier, and talked again. I don't think I have talked to a girl this much in my LIFE. Of course, our nice chat was ruined when she PUSHED ME IN. Yes, Ella is evil, and sneaky. One minute we were talking about which brand had better acoustic guitars, Taylor or Gibson, and then the next I was sputtering in the lake.

I couldn't just let that happen without retaliating, could I?

Only she wasn't about to offer me a hand back up onto the pier. She knew what I would have done. I would have pulled her in.

So, I got out and chased her off the pier.

It seemed like the most logical way to get her into the water.

Did I mention that she pushed me in in my clothes? AND my shoes? Highly uncomfortable, but somehow…fun.

So yes, safe to say that nothing was accomplished in today's session.

_Nate's in loooooooove_.

Go away.

_Nate and Ella sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes_

GO AWAY!

_OW! Dude, you did not have to throw your history book at me. WAIT, why do you have your history book? IT'S SUMMER. You're not supposed to read during the summer. It's like a rule or something._

Seriously? You don't read…at ALL during the summer?

_Not unless it's the back of a cereal box or something._

That explains SO MUCH.

_Shut up._

You're the one writing in my diar—JOURNAL. You shut up.

_Dude, so what are you gonna do about this Wes guy?_

Huh? What are you talking about? Do YOU even know?

_You know! WES! The guy from Mitchie's band that Ella's been hanging all over!_

I have no idea who that is. Ella has not mentioned him to me.

_She will, my friend. She will._

Okay, REALLY? Shane's walking away NOW? He drops that on me, and then LEAVES. Man, that guy can be annoying. Wes? WHO THE HECK IS WES?

No, I will not let Shane get to me. He's just being all angsty cause Mitchie has guy friends that aren't HIS friends. Misery loves company, that's all that is.

Right?

Great, damn you Shane Grey.

June 12th, 2010 (1:40 PM)

She MENTIONED HIM!

WES!

Okay, what am I doing? Am I really freaking out over this guy? He's her friend. THAT'S IT.

I think I need to take some time off from Ella. Just one day. That can't hurt anything right? Obviously I need to sit back and chill. I mean if this is making me go crazy then I clearly need some time away right? Right.

8:48 PM

WRONG.

Ended up in a fight with Ella. Great.

She said I was trying to "detach" because we were getting too close.

NUH UH!

*sigh* Did I just write that?

That's not why! I just need to step back and breathe. You know? Ella and I are just friends, and Wes and Ella are just friends. I just needed an afternoon to remind myself of those things.

Wait.

That's sort of the exact definition of detach isn't it?

DAMN IT. She was right.

You know what? I'm going to bed early. I can't deal with this right now. I'll talk it all out with Ella tomorrow. I will.

June 13th, 2010 (10:35 PM)

Ella avoided me all day. ALL DAY.

AND she ate lunch with…WES.

Wes.

I'm beginning to understand why Shane isn't fond of these back up band guys. I don't think Jason's fond of them either or at least he isn't fond of Taylor. He glared at him all through lunch (probably because the guy was eating lunch with Caitlyn.)

You know now that I think about it…I don't think Jason has anything to worry about. Taylor wasn't completely focused on Caitlyn. He kept…looking back at Mitchie.

While Caitlyn blushed.

Oh no. Okay, I may be oblivious most of the time, but I don't think that's good. Is that good? Why am I asking a book? You know this is the sort of thing I would ask Ella about but Ella isn't talking to me. So…I have no idea what to do.

Oh! Jason! There's Jason! I'll talk to him!

And Jason already knew Taylor had a thing for Mitchie. Wow. I thought I'd picked up on something non-work related early for once. Apparently not. And now Jason is moping out on the porch. Someone just walked into the cabin. Apparently I can't write an entry in peace.

_Okay, this almost makes up for you being a jerk the other day. You have a diary. I'm going to enjoy holding this over your head for the rest of your life. Espescially after telling me you wanted to TAKE A BREAK FROM BEING MY FRIEND, jerk. _

_Seriously, who asks someone if they can take a break from being friends? NATHANIEL JEREMY BLACK DOES, that's who! That's right, I middle named you. _

_Wait. I see Caitlyn's name. Why were you talking about Caitlyn? STOP trying to grab the PEN! Oh no. OH NO. _

_That JERK (surprisingly I'm not talking about Nate this time). Alright, I'm going to give you back your pen. We need to talk._

11:00 PM

Jason just ran off to find Caitlyn.

This is what I thought Cait's blush meant. Ella says she's got a pretty big crush on Taylor. Oy.

_Hey! Stop writing! We're not done talking! I'm already probably going to be in BIG trouble for being here past lights out!_

And I must go…or Ella will kill me.


	4. June 14th, 2010

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 14th, 2010 (11:15 PM)

Well, I messed up again today.

But I fixed it.

I think I should just apologize to Ella once a day.

It's just that after yesterday (when she avoided me and hung out with Wes) I'm not sure anyone can blame me for freaking out today. Okay, so they weren't actually doing anything, and Ella and I aren't dating (yet) but I still say it was only natural that I freak out.

I mean they were lying side by side on the pier, their hands were almost touching. To me they looked very friendly. And I didn't freak out until I realized how close their faces were. Ella turned her head to look at him and their faces were inches apart! If Wes had just leaned forward slightly they would have…

Not important.

Anyway, it was at that moment that I charged the pier and accused Ella of secretly dating him. And then demanded (BIG MISTAKE) that she come with me and away from Wes. After that I received a glare like no glare I have ever gotten in my life. I'm surprised I'm still breathing. Wes muttered apologies to Ella and excused himself. Smart guy that Wes. Unlike me.

Ella: WHAT the HELL was that?

Me: What?

Ella: You went all cave man!

Me: Well, what are you doing with HIM anyway?

Ella: He's my friend! Am I not allowed to have friends anymore?

Me: Friend? Ella, you've been flirting with him! You had lunch with him yesterday.

Ella blushed in embarrassment. I'd called her out, and she knew it.

Ella: I wouldn't have had lunch with him if YOU hadn't asked to take a break from being my friend! And, yeah, okay. I flirted with him. Why does that matter to you? I'm free to flirt with whoever I want!

I couldn't say anything in response. All I did was stutter. Ella huffed and stomped off.

Ella: You're not my boyfriend, Nate! And even if you were you had better not try to tell me who I can and can't be friends with! If you had bothered to look, you would have noticed that NOTHING was going on. We were talking.

Me: Exactly what were you talking about?

Ella didn't say anything but kept walking.

Ella: It doesn't matter! What matters is that you barged in and decided that I wouldn't be allowed TO talk to him. And if you EVER try to tell me what I can and can't do again, I WILL stop talking to you!

She quickly climbed the stairs outside of her cabin and turned to look at me when she reached the top. I really hate this next part.

Ella: I've had people telling me what to do and FEEL my entire life! My mom, my brother, Tess…I don't need YOU adding to that list, Nate! If you're NOT okay with that then feel free to walk away and never come back.

The look on her face as she turned and walked into the cabin is what killed me. It was a mixture of fury and heartbreak. I had a feeling this had to do with more than just my jealous rampage. The door closed and I immediately climbed the stairs to the porch and knocked.

I had to talk to her. I couldn't end the day with that image of her. I needed to see her smiling. I hadn't been trying to tell her how to feel…okay maybe I had just a little. But I just…I was being selfish.

In that moment I saw that. Ella didn't come to the door, but I knew she was inside. I started apologizing through the door. I was hoping she would hear me and come out. I hadn't been thinking about how my words and actions would hurt her. I was just focused on, well, keeping her for myself.

I stood at the door and apologized for several minutes. Every now and then I would add in a plea for her to open the door, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw the knob turn. The door opened…

And Caitlyn was on the other side. Caitlyn, who had spent most of the day hiding from all of us (thanks to Taylor), nodded and motioned me inside then she shoved Peggy and Mitchie out the door.

The door closed behind them and I remember feeling like we stood in silence forever. I decided to speak first.

Me: Ella, I would never tell you what to do or how to feel.

Ella hesitantly looked up at me, and the look on her face was livid.

Ella: But you did, Nate! You told me I shouldn't be dating him and then COMMANDED that I leave with you. You're not supposed to do that, Nate. You're supposed to be different. But you're not, are you? You're exactly the same.

Believe me when I say, that hurt. All I could think to do was gently grab her by the shoulders. She tried to squirm out, but I wasn't going to let her. I needed her to hear me.

Me: Ella, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm an insecure idiot. I didn't realize that what I was doing would hurt you so much. And…I am different. I am. I want you to be who you are. That's what I like about you. I don't want to control you, I promise. I just…I thought you had a crush on him or something.

Ella: and what if I had? Would that have given you the right to do what you did?

Me: No! But I wanted you to want to spend time with me. Is that so bad? I wanted you to have a crush on me.

Yes, I said that. I actually said that. I didn't hear myself saying it until it was already out of my mouth. Ella blinked at me with wide shocked eyes, and asked me to clarify what I had just said.

Me: I was afraid that you hanging out with him meant I would have less time with you. For the first time in a long time, I'm genuinely enjoying getting to know a girl. I wanted him to go away because he was stealing the time I could have had. It was wrong, but…I just wanted things to stay the same.

Ella: Then why did you ask to take a break from our meetings the other day?

Me: Because I knew I was eventually going to overreact about Wes. I thought if I took a step back from us that wouldn't happen.

Ella: So, I was right? You thought we were too close.

I chuckled at the small grin that came across her face. Even when we're arguing she can still take the time to gloat about being right.

Me: Yes, you were right.

Ella: And you wouldn't want to control me…or what I feel?

See, that was tricky. I would like her to feel for me what I feel for her, but would I want to force her to feel that?

Me: No, I don't want to control anything about you, and I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. From now on…if you want to hang out with Wes…I'll leave you alone.

The next thing I knew Ella's arms, which had been limply hanging by her side, were suddenly wrapped around me extremely tightly. She had closed her eyes and leaned completely into me. She hugged me. This was the first time she had ever hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her just as tightly. As soon as I closed my eyes I heard her speaking softly.

Ella: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for overreacting. I'm sorry for assuming that you were like every other person who's ever attempted to tell me who to be.

Me: I'm sorry for being jealous, and for making you feel like I would _ever_ change who you are.

We pulled apart and I headed for the door when:

Ella: Nate?

Me: Yes?

Ella: For the record, I want you to have a crush on me too.

I nodded and I think I smiled at her. I may not know what my face looked like as I left but I know that I felt happier than I had in a very long time. I'm still feeling this happy hum in my chest. I've replayed her words over and over in my head.

Does that mean what I think it means?

Please, let it mean what I think it means.

**I need to borrow your diary.**

It's a JOURNAL. And why?

**Because I'm freaking out. **

Jason, you could just TALK to me about why you're freaking instead of borrowing my JOURNAL.

**Oh, right.**

I'm back. Jason apparently came very close to telling Caitlyn how he felt about her today. Caitlyn was down on herself about not seeing through Taylor and Jase just decided to tell her he thought she was beautiful. I'm sure it wasn't as random as it sounded when Jason tried to retell the story.

**Seriously, how could Caitlyn ever have feelings for me while she's crushing on some idiot bass guitarist? But I thought…I mean I could have sworn she…**

**But no, she's got a thing for the Irish guy. I could be Irish if I wanted to be. It can't be hard to fake that accent. **

It could be for you. You can't even fake a British accent.

**Stupid Irish guy, with his…leprechauns, and…clovers and all that…green. **

Really? You're reducing Ireland to St. Patrick's Day clichés?

**I don't know much about Ireland, okay? Geez. **

Jase, Caitlyn had a crush on the guy. She's not in love with him. Chill out. Besides you don't know that she doesn't have feelings for you. You've never told her that you have feelings for her.

**Pot calling the kettle black, Nate. **

Okay, yes, but I'm not the one FREAKING out right now.

**You know, I bet she's going to throw herself into work tomorrow. She's going to take all of her Taylor angst and work herself to death on a new song. You watch. **

Jason, just go to bed. Seriously, you can't do anything tonight even if you want to.

**Fine, but I'm not gonna let Caity work herself sick over some jerk bass guitarist.**

So, what? You're going to stalk her all day tomorrow?

**If I have to. Yes. **

Alright, well, you do what you need to do. I'm going to bed, and my journal is being put up…which means you can't write in it anymore.

**Fine.**

Oy.

**Yes, I can write in it, Nate. Yes I can. Because you don't know how to hide your things very well. Mwahaha.**

**I should have bought myself a diary when I bought this one for Nate. I wouldn't be borrowing Nate's right now if I'd bought one for myself. **

**I just don't get it. I could have sworn Caitlyn was sending me pretty positive signals all summer. But thanks to this Taylor guy, I now see that I was wrong. **

**But that doesn't matter, because Caity is still, at the very least, my friend. I refuse to let her mope over Taylor all day tomorrow. If she's all wrapped up in writing and recording (like she was tonight) then I'm going to make sure she doesn't get carried away.**

**She and Mitchie were in the studio all night tonight. I don't know what they were working on, but after today it would have to be about Taylor, right?**

**Why Taylor? I've been paying more attention to her this summer than that guy. Taylor didn't go see her when she was sick. Still not sure what she was sick with, but regardless Taylor wasn't the guy cheering her up every night for a week. Did Taylor assure her that her Chococat pajamas were cute when she was clearly very nervous about any body seeing her in them? No, he did not. Did he let her hit him with an alarm clock? NO HE DID NOT.**

**Those were all ME. I'm the one that's been there for her all summer. I was the one there for her today. So…why Taylor?**

**Taylor. Every time I think that name I glare. How could one guy be SO STUPID? First he starts crushing on a girl that is CLEARLY TAKEN (by one of my best friends), and THEN he strings Caitlyn along. MY Caitlyn. I don't know if I can take being around this guy for the rest of the summer. I'm THAT disgusted with him. **

**As glad as I am that Caitlyn's still available…if he'd made a move on her at least I would know he was intelligent. But I don't even know that because he didn't see Caitlyn standing right in front of him. **

**IDIOT.**

**That's all there is to it. He's an idiot. **

**I'm going to bed before I break this pen and throw this diary across the room. **

**Yeah, Taylor makes me THAT mad. I don't know what I'll do if he causes drama for any more of my friends. **

**And Nate, don't kill me. I needed to vent. **


	5. June 15th, 2010

**A/N:** The song in this chapter is "Falling Over Me" by Demi Lovato. And I've somehow managed to write another one day entry! YAY! ENJOY!

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 15th, 2010 (7:35 PM)

Jason stole my dia—JOURNAL while I was sleeping apparently. I really need to find a better hiding place. But not even the knowledge of Jason writing in my journal can ruin my mood today.

After yesterday, I'm so glad today was awesome.

Even though Brown yelled at me for skipping my classes.

But whatever, skipping those classes was completely worth it.

Yes, I skipped my classes. I'm sure the campers didn't mind. It's more time for them to work on their stuff for the Jam tonight.

Did I start the day with the intention to be a terrible instructor? No. I did not. That was Ella's fault. She's apparently on a mission to get me to loosen up. We left the mess hall after breakfast and Ella grabbed my hand and pulled me around the back of the building.

Ella: I'm kidnapping you.

To which I could only respond:

Me: Um…huh?

Intelligent, right? Mrs. Wilson (my private tutor that travels with me) would be so proud. All of her hard work is really paying off.

Ella: You're not going to be teaching today.

Me: But if I don't teach Brown will yell at me. Have you ever heard him yell? Well I guess it's not so much yelling as very loud disappointed ranting. It's not fun. I really don't—

Ella covered my mouth with her hand.

Ella: Do you not know what the word kidnapping means? It means you don't have a choice. So shut up, and follow me.

How much of a girl would I be if I told you that I barely heard what she said because HER HAND WAS ON MY MOUTH? Yeah, I'm a girl, I know.

The hand that had covered my mouth reached down and grabbed my wrist and then dragged me down a trail in the woods. Camp was full of nature trails for those campers who felt the most inspired when surrounded by nature. I wasn't one of those. I enjoyed nature, and I like to spend time outside, but it really doesn't do much for my song writing muse. I was surprised though when Ella stopped a few feet into the trail. She looked around to make sure no one was following us before reaching behind a large tree and pulling out a hard guitar case.

Me: You hid your guitar behind a tree?

Ella: No, I hid your guitar behind a tree.

She shoved the case into my hands and only then did I recognize it as my own. I freaked out a little when I realized my guitar had been sitting outside for, what I assumed was, HOURS. I looked over at Ella and saw a smirk on her face.

Ella: You're wondering how long it's been out here right?

Me: Yeah, Ella. This is my GUITAR. My livelihood.

Her smirk didn't flinch or falter even as I snapped at her.

Ella: Relax, It's been out here ten minutes tops. Remember when I left the table? I left to get your guitar.

Me: I thought you left to get jelly?

Ella rolled her eyes.

Ella: Yes, Nate. It took me ten minutes to get jelly.

After that Ella found a nearby medium sized rock and reached behind it to retrieve a notebook. Then we kept walking down the trail until we reached a small clearing. There was a blanket set out and Ella quickly sat down on it.

Me: What are we doing?

Ella: Don't think I didn't notice how much it bothered you to do nothing our last two meetings. I thought, we'd have a nice casual morning of actual work.

I must have looked as eager as I felt because she quickly spoke again.

Ella: BUT you have to promise to actually enjoy yourself. If it starts to get too intense or serious we WILL leave. I'm not in the mood for snappy, "don't talk to me while I'm working" Nate today.

I laughed at the dead serious look on her face. At our first meeting that's who I'd been. There was no talking of anything that didn't have to do with the song. My sentences were clipped and rude at best. I could see why she wasn't in the mood for that guy. It was fine when I was working by myself, but not when I was attempting to write with other people. I'm not quite sure how Shane and Jason put up with me for so long. I nodded and agreed and sat down next to her. I sat there just looking at her for a few minutes. At least it must have looked like that to her.

Actually I was thinking. Thinking about how the both of us got to this moment. If Shane had never acted like a spoiled rockstar he wouldn't have come here and met Mitchie, and then Jason and myself would have never joined him for a second summer, and I wouldn't have pissed Ella off with my suggestions on her song (which I sill maintain was perfect without my suggestions). There were a lot of outside forces that had to come together for the two of us to get to this clearing at this moment.

And yet I rarely ever thought about that. For some reason the fact that I was lucky that so many random events came together had never occurred to me until that moment.

And I suddenly had an idea for a song.

Ella brought me out of my thoughts.

Ella: Nate? Are we going to work or what?

Me: Oh we're gonna work. On something new. If you don't mind that is.

Ella smiled brightly.

Ella: I was hoping you'd say that. What's the idea?

I told her what I'd been thinking and she immediately came up with the first half of the first verse. This is what she scribbled down in her notebook and showed to me:

_I'm standing in the center of the room,_

_I'm watching boys follow girls perfume._

_All is as it should be I assume,_

_Except for the distance between me and you._

After that we decided we would write the lyrics first. Usually I prefer to write them both together, but it just seemed more natural to write the lyrics and then write a melody that matched.

We sat and discussed my idea further. And we both came up with this:

_You're standing as a flower on the wall._

_The room is still but we're about to fall,_

_And all the names that brought us here just simply fade away._

The next part was the chorus and even though it's simple and short…it's the most personal part of the song for me. I grabbed Ella's notebook and wrote it down quickly. One look at Ella and it just came to me. I tried my best to not make it obvious that it was about her, but I think she could tell. No, I'm sure she could tell. I heard her breathing hitch slightly as she read it.

_Who you are is falling over me,_

_Who you are is everything I need, _

_I'm hoping, _

_I'm waiting,_

_I'm praying you are the one._

Me: So, now where do we go with it?

Ella: Well, the first verse was sort of about our couple meeting right? So, the second verse should be about THE night.

Me: THE night?

Ella: You know, the night where you sit and talk and learn everything you can about the other person? You end up talking for hours and sharing more than you ever intended and—

She stopped and I know exactly why she stopped. Because we both realized that we'd already had THE night. The bonfire. Ella cleared her throat and wrote a few lines in the notebook.

_I can't believe that night turned in to today,_

_I used the line you were supposed to say._

I smiled and nodded. The suggested we repeat the lines from the last verse, but with a slight change, and I wrote:

_And all the names that brought us here now we have to thank._

We had two verses and a chorus. Now we just needed a bridge. Ella snatched the notebook out of my hand and I watched curiously as her pen flew across the page. She wrote:

_Who you are is falling over me,_

_Who you are has got me on my knees,, _

_I'm hoping, _

_I'm waiting,_

_I'm praying you are the one._

_If you are, I will wait._

_I will follow._

_I'm here to stay._

I read over the words and smiled softly at her. She blushed and looked away. It's looking like Ella's words from last night really did mean what I thought they did. I finished the bridge with, what I'm sure was, a very big smile on my face.

_As long as we're promised tomorrow,_

_I'll promise you today._

_I'll wait. _

And that's when we started to put the melody together. I would play the chords I thought would work, she would suggest other chords or certain rhythms. And before lunch was over in the mess hall we'd completed our song. We titled it "Falling Over Me" , and Ella convinced Mitchie to sneak us some lunches out of the back door of the kitchen. Neither one of us wanted to face the wrath of Brown just yet.

After lunch Ella and I reluctantly parted ways. I left to track down Shane and Jason, and I can only assume that Ella went to find Peggy, Mitchie, and Caitlyn. I found both Shane and Jason in the administration building. Jason was ranting to Shane about Caitlyn working herself to death. Just like last night. Of course. He was also muttering violently about Taylor.

We went inside Brown's office to make sure we weren't overheard. I could have sworn I saw some sort of movement out of the corner of my eye as we came in. But I think my mind was playing tricks on me.

Me: Alright I have a problem.

Jason held up a hand as if he heard something.

Jason: Do you guys hear scratching?

After he mentioned it I did sort of hear something. It was very faint, but I could hear it. As soon as Jason said anything it stopped, and we moved on.

Me: Back to my problem.

Jason: You think you have a problem? Try trying to FIND Caitlyn and convince her to take a break. She's obsessed with whatever it is she's working on. She's going to burn herself out at this rate.

Me: Jase, it's Caitlyn. She'll be fine.

Shane scoffed.

Shane: You just want to talk about Ella.

Me: Basically.

Shane: So, what? Were you guys mackin' behind the mess hall or something?

Me: What?

Shane: You both skipped your classes. I figured you were off taking care of your UST.

Me: US…T? What the heck is that?

Jason: Unresolved Sexual Tension.

Me: WHAT? NO! We were writing a song!

Shane grimaced at me and shook his head.

Shane: Dude, seriously? You had half a day alone with Ella and you spent it writing a song?

Me: Yes, we wrote a song. And it happened to be very enlightening.

Shane: Enlightening? You're such a girl.

Me: Gee, thanks.

Jason: Leave him alone, Shane. Writing a song with Ella is better than you and Mitchie cooing in those gushy baby voices. Not to mention all your whining. Nate's whipped but at least he doesn't whine about it.

Me: HEY! I'm not whipped.

Shane: Yeah, you are.

Me: Not important. What do I do about Ella?

Jason: Man up, and tell her how you feel.

Shane and I gave Jason a bored look.

Jason: What?

The rest of the conversation was pretty much useless. Just Shane and Jason telling me what I already knew. I have to tell Ella how I feel.

How am I going to do that?

Okay, I have to go. The Beach Jam starts in a few minutes. I'll have to think about what to do tonight while I'm at the jam.

10:35 PM

Jason's off confessing his love to Caitlyn. I saw them headed for the pier nearly half an hour ago. Uh oh, hang on. I think Caitlyn

**BAHAHAHA! YOU HAVE A DIARY! You scoffed at mine and yet YOU have one! This is the most hilarious thing ever. **

What are you doing here Caitlyn?

**Jason came by to get his flashlight so he could walk me through the woods to my cabin. We're lucky he thought of it too or I wouldn't have come across this juicy nugget of black mail.**

I kind of hate you right now.

**That's okay, cause your bandmate is kind of crazy about me. That's all I need. **

And she's leaving. I'm never going to live this down. Ugh.

So, Caitlyn won the jam and sang a song about Jason. Now apparently they're dating.

Also, guess what Brown announced tonight…as a surprise for us all?

Tomorrow is Parents Day.

I'm screwed. My family is insane! Okay, not insane, but intense. The women in my family ask A LOT of questions when they meet new people or some one they already know that has been away from them for, oh I don't know, five minutes.

And they're gonna want to meet Ella.

Because I maybe let it slip to my mom that I'd been hanging out with a girl that I actually had a good time getting to know. I wouldn't have told her if I knew Brown was going to INVITE THEM ALL TO CAMP.

I feel the worst for Shane though. My family is intense, but his is scary.

Addams Family scary.

Jason's all freaked out because Caitlyn warned him that her family is HUGE AND LOUD. Which does not surprise me…or anyone else for that matter.

Anyway, I'm off to bed.

But before I go to bed I'm going to pray that my sisters don't humiliate me and scare Ella away because, believe me, they have that power and have scared away girls before.

Oy.


	6. June 16th, 2010

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 16th, 2010 (10:29 PM)

They're gone…they're all gone.

THANK GOODNESS!

I love my family, I do.

But not when they embarrass me the way my mother did.

"Oh, aren't you a pretty little thing? Just like Nate said you were."

Uh huh, that's what my mother said to Ella when she met her.

What was my mother thinking? I told her I hadn't talked to Ella yet, and she comes to camp and just SPILLS everything. Our families ate together at lunch, and I have to say I was curious what Ella meant a few days ago when she talked about her family trying to control her, and I finally found out why.

Ella's dad is Van Pador. The lead singer of Headline. Now I knew this. She told me this, but I didn't quite understand why she wasn't willing to talk about it much. Now I know. Van came to visit, but so did her mom and brother. Except for lunch where our family's sat together it looked like Ella's family spent the whole day fighting. I talked to Ella about it later. She said her mom and her brother didn't think Van had a right to be there. My heart kind of broke for Ella today. I was worried about my family, but at least mine gets a long.

See, Ella's dad just started to get involved in hers and her brother's life a few years ago. Sure, he'd come to visit every now and then with lots of money and arm loads of presents, but he never really wanted to be there for them like he should. When he decided he wanted to get to know them Chevy wanted nothing to do with him, and their mother wanted him gone.

But Ella, because she's either really naïve or really forgiving, decided to give him a chance. Her mother and her brother stop her from seeing him as often as they can, and they try to convince her that she shouldn't want to know him.

This is part of what I learned about her at the bonfire, and when I asked why she wanted to get to know him she said it was because he was the only person who _wanted_ her to pursue a career in music, and that he understood certain things about her that her mom and brother didn't. After meeting Van Pador, I know exactly what she meant. He's upbeat and very positive while Ella's mom and brother are extremely pessimistic. Now, you can tell that they all love Ella just in very different ways. Van wants her to do what she wants but doesn't ever want to be the parent that has to put his foot down, and her mom wants her to be practical (and doesn't want Ella to be influence by her free spirit of a dad). Chevy agrees with their mom.

I really have no idea what that must be like. My family has always supported my music, but then my parents have been married for nearly 25 years now. I'm lucky, and I know I'm lucky. The only thing I have to worry about when my family visits is keeping them from embarrassing me, but Ella…Ella has to keep the peace. And I could tell it wore her out.

My family on the other hand just decided to tell Ella everything I'd ever told them about her. While her brother glared at me, and her dad analyzed every move I made. I can already tell Ella's mom despises me. Probably because I'm famous and a musician like Van Pador.

Sometimes being a teenage rock star really sucks. But on the upside, I'm pretty sure Ella's mom liked my parents. Which can only help me.

My sisters told her all about the times they tricked me into dressing up like a girl (I was three and easily gullible), about the time they told me the correct way to spell my name ("You're supposed to write it backwards, Nate, and then hold it up to a mirror to read it! Didn't you know that?"), and about the time they convinced me cows went neigh and horses went moo. Yes, I was an EXTREMELY gullible child.

I could tell Ella was enjoying everything she heard which meant she would probably tease me about it later. Mom told Ella all about how I "rave" about her, and how she's been dying to meet her. And then proceeded to repeat the things I told her or as much as she could without blatantly telling Ella I'm practically in love with her. My dad just sat there in complete silence, smirking at me as he watched the chaos. Thanks dad, you're a big help.

Ella kept glancing back worriedly at Tess's table which surprised me. Ella and Peggy stopped talking to Tess the third day of Camp. I looked over there myself and realized why. Tess was all by herself. I guess her mom couldn't make it. It looked like Ella was about to go over and talk to her when we both saw Connie Torres stop at her table and sit down. Count on Mrs. Torres to be there for a camper in need.

After lunch I showed my family around camp and then we all attended a jam at the end of the day. By the way Caitlyn's family really IS HUGE AND LOUD. I expected it, but I don't think I was really prepared. Jason looked SO overwhelmed. BUT it looked like his family enjoyed themselves.

Then they left, and here I am.

Shane's back. I have no idea where he's been, but he's back. He's pacing and mumbling. I'll be back in a bit.

11:05 PM

Shane neglected to introduce Mitchie to his family. And she is not happy.

She claims that Shane's ashamed of her when I know that that's not it at all.

He didn't want his family to scare her away which they would have.

His older brothers are jerks. Cliché Frat Guy jerks. All they care about is drinking and girls. I'm embarrassed by them and I barely ever see them. Shane's mom is cool…she's a little strange. She's a hypochondriac and obsessive compulsive, but she's never the reason the girls run away. Shane's dad is probably the worst of them all. He's harmless, but he's self centered and curses like a sailor. It's says something when I say AND MEAN that Shane is the normal one in his family.

So, I personally, don't blame him for not introducing Mitchie.

But the girls aren't going to see it that way.

I'm expecting sides to be taken tomorrow.

What would camp be without drama?


	7. June 17th, 2010

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 17th, 2010

I was right. But not at the same time.

So people took sides, but a few people didn't take the sides I expected them to take.

As I thought they would Peggy and Lola took Mitchie's side. And even Tess took Mitchie's side.

But Caitlyn didn't.

Caitlyn took Shane's side…

(yes, hell MIGHT freeze over)

And Jason took Mitchie's.

WEIRD.

I'm still not sure if Ella and I have taken sides. We talked about it and said we wouldn't, but we sort of talked ourselves in circles. So I have no idea what's going on. This is how the conversation went:

Me: So, we're agreed? We don't get involved?

Ella: Of course...even though, you know...Mitchie's totally right.

Me: HOW is that not getting involved?

Ella: I'm just saying…Mitchie's totally right. You know it's true.

Me: Um...yeah. Okay.

Ella: What was that?

Me: What?

Ella: Did you just...TAKE A DIVE?

Me: Ummm... maybe?

Ella: Why would you lie?

Me: Because I enjoy NOT having you at my throat?

Ella: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: We've had a big fight like every day. Just thought it might be nice to avoid one for once.

Ella: Is that supposed to be my fault?

Me: What? NO.

Ella: Look, just don't lie to me.

Me: Fine. I think Shane may've had his own reasons for not introducing Mitchie to his family.

Ella: And why is that?

Me: Have you met the Greys?

Ella: As a matter of fact, I haven't. But I almost didn't meet your family either.

Me: Don't you wish you hadn't?

Ella: No, I liked your family. They were sweet. Either way I think that, as Shane's girlfriend, Mitchie deserves a chance to meet them. He could have at least asked her.

Me: But he knew she would agree.

Ella: So?

Me: So, if he didn't want her to meet his family, he shouldn't ask her.

Ella: Ahh, but that's where you're wrong. Whether he wants them to meet or not, they will eventually.

Me: But eventually doesn't have to be now. Give him a chance to properly warn her first.

Ella: Wouldn't it be better to get it over with? Like pulling off a band-aid.

Me: A band-aid? The Greys are NOT like a band-aid. Unless that band-aid is made of LOTS and LOTS of duct tape.

Ella: Were you dreading having me meet your family?

Me: Well... kind of. My mom and my sisters aren't exactly the easiest people to deal with.

Ella: And was yesterday as horrifying as you were expecting it to be?

Me: Not re-okay, enough! I know where you're going and NO! The Greys are not like my family. The Greys are like the Addams family. Do you know how many nice girls those people have scared away?

Ella: I'm sure you're exaggerating.

Me: Really, El? Do I EVER exaggerate?

Ella: You mean other than when you see me talking to unsuspecting drummers? No.

Me: Okay, I already APOLOGIZED for that.

Ella: Doesn't mean I can't hold it over your head forever.

Me: Cruel. That's what you are, Ella Pador. Cruel beyond reason.

Ella: Oh, boo hoo. The point of the matter is, Mitchie was right. I mean I didn't exactly want you to meet my family but I powered through and you're still around so obviously you don't think the Pador-Do family is as terrifying as I do.

Me: You didn't want me to meet your family?

Ella sighed and shook her head.

Ella: My family is difficult, and…I knew my mom wouldn't be fond of you. No offense. She just doesn't like musicians and spent my entire life trying to convince me to avoid them. She assumes they're all like my dad when he was younger. Even semi-normal musicians like you, Shane, and Jason. I was afraid she would scare you away or Chevy would. And, dad, well…he's sort of protective and a little possessive. Thanks to mom he's always paranoid that someone is going to swoop in and turn me against him. We're just…messed up. That's all there is to it. You know how Mitchie lied to all of us about her parents last summer? Well…sometimes I wish I could lie about mine. I just want a little bit of peace and normalcy. That's all. Like your family. You're all nice and normal, and you may tease each other and get in arguments but there's way more love there than tension. That's what I want, but will probably never have.

(And yes I'm paraphrasing a little just like always, but that is one confession from Ella Pador that I will never forget. I want her to have that. I think she deserves to.)

I reached over and took her hand before I could stop myself. I laced my fingers through hers and turned away from our view of the lake to look at her. I had avoided it while she was talking because I knew her eyes were watering. I don't do well with crying females. Especially ones I'm kind of sort of completely head over heels for.

Me: You know, what? You're amazing.

She blushed and looked away.

Ella: I'm really not.

Me: No, I mean it. You are. I don't really know how it must feel to be in that situation, but I don't think I would handle it as well as you do. Therefore you're amazing.

She didn't say anything, and I didn't really expect her to. Instead she looked back out over the lake and rested her head on my shoulder. We never got back to talking about Mitchie and Shane so I have no idea whether we took sides or not.

And honestly, I don't really care. Shane and Mitchie will sort it out. They always do, but that memory I made with Ella…well I'll have that for a while.

I think I have to tell her soon. I realized in those quiet moments when I was holding her hand that all this middle ground…is killing me. So I think…I think I have to tell her tomorrow.


	8. June 18th & 19th, 2010

**A/N:** Last chapter! YAY! I hope you guys enjoy it! :)

**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb**** Diary**

June 18th, 2010

I know I'm supposed to be above this but I'm about to write out my frustration:

UGGGHHHH GRRRRRRR WHY?

I DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO ELLA TODAY.

I swear if I could, and the guy wasn't one third of my damn band, I would MURDER Shane.

Here's what happened:

This morning Jason let it slip to Shane that Taylor has a crush on Mitchie, and guess where Mitchie was at that moment?

With Taylor. Where else?

So Shane goes storming around Camp looking for Taylor (so he could attempt to rip the guys throat out). And I, because I'm an idiot who feels like he has to maintain order, followed him.

And somehow Shane found them. The guy tracked them down. He asked everyone he saw if they'd seen either one of them until he found out where they were.

Rehearsal Cabin A.

The idiot almost kicked the door down (He would have if I hadn't been there).

There was yelling back and forth as Mitchie gave him a glare almost as terrifying as Ella's (it didn't quite scare me as much as it scared Shane). Finally she stomped off and took Taylor with her. I was surprised Shane didn't chase after her. He just stood where he was and shouted things at her retreating back.

Am I really friends with this guy?

I spent most of the day assuring Shane that Mitchie had no idea Taylor had any feelings for her. I only got a reprieve from that because Mitchie suddenly came running into our cabin. I snuck out while she was hastily mumbling apologies, but by that point it was nearly lights out.

I came back in after Mitchie left and was briefed on what had happened. Taylor made a move on Mitchie. Mitchie was venting to him about Shane when Taylor decided THAT was the appropriate time to express his feelings. Mitchie freaked out, tried to calmly explain she wasn't interested, and then ran to our cabin.

Shane intends to shun Taylor for the rest of the summer. Jason thought we should have all been shunning him since that mess went down with Caitlyn.

I've never actually met Taylor…but the dude is an idiot. That's all I'm going to say about that.

That's all the drama for today, but…TOMORROW I WILL TALK TO ELLA. I don't care what I have to do to make time to talk to her…I'll do it. If I have to let Shane beat the crap out of Taylor, I will.

I have to tell her, and I can't put it off any longer. I can't.

June 19th, 2010

_Nate,_

_You left your diary on the pier when you ran off to break up the fight. Wait. I'm sorry, journal…you like to call it a journal, right? Anyway, I didn't read it. Don't worry. I'm going to leave it on your bed in your cabin. Just letting you know where you left it and who found it. I guess, you'll tell me what you wanted to tell me later?_

_xoxo_

_Ella_

…Ella brought back my journal. First of all…I CAN'T BELIEVE I LEFT IT. Second of all, IT'S 9 PM AND I STILL HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER. I just got out of Brown's office after spending an afternoon being yelled at…FOR A FIGHT I TRIED TO STOP.

And now I'm going to run off and find Ella before lights out.

11:00 PM

My life is awesome right now.

Just saying.

I'm back from talking to Ella, and my day is instantly better.

The day actually wasn't that bad…until the fight. You know how I joked about Shane beating up Taylor? Well, Shane didn't…JASON DID. JASON. I did not see that coming. I had finally found a moment to talk to Ella and we were sitting on the pier when I heard shouting behind me. Caitlyn came running to us and commanded that I follow her. We ran the whole way until I saw…

Jason beating the snot out of Taylor.

Shane was gaping like an idiot, so of course I had to step in. I got a little banged up in the process (Taylor's fist hit my right cheek. It hurt, but not as much as Jason's fist would have). Brown broke it up, and called me, Jason, and Taylor into his office to tell us how disappointed he was (mostly in Jason and myself since we're technically instructors). That made the day go down hill very rapidly.

Once I got away from Brown I frantically searched the pier for my dia—JOURNAL. I didn't find it so I came back here and there it was on my bed. I FREAKED, but then I read Ella's note. Which made me look at the clock and then rush off to find her.

She was sitting out on the cabin's porch when I arrived. She smiled when she saw me and then winced. She fretted (yes, I said "fretted") over the goose egg sprouting from my cheek (which was nice), and then I sat down and we finally got a chance to talk.

Ella: Are you sure you're okay? Do you need some ice or something?

Should I enjoy her worrying over me so much?

Me: Really, I'm fine. It's sore and a little swollen, but I'll be fine. But I'd really like to finally get to talk to you.

Ella: About what you started to say on the pier?

Me: Yes, that.

It took me a minute to figure out how to start. Ella grinned at me.

Ella: Is this us talking about what you wanted talk about?

Me: Funny.

Ella's grin faltered and she put a hand on my arm.

Ella: Nate, just say what you need to say. I'm listening.

Me: Ella…I've really enjoyed getting to know you.

Ella smiled at me and my stomach did a fluttering thing.

Ella: I've enjoyed getting to know you too.

Me: When this summer started I didn't expect…well, I never saw you coming.

Her hand was still on my arm. I was extremely aware of the contact while she spoke.

Ella: You weren't the only one blindsided.

Me: The more I learned about you the more time I wanted to spend with you. A lot of arguments came from my own selfish need to be around you.

I heard Ella take in a sharp breath, and I kept going.

Me: Do you know how much I've learned about myself just by being around you? How much you've forced me to…relax? I just—I really care about you, Ella. More than what probably should be possible for just a couple of weeks. I care about you like no other girl I've ever known.

Ella's hand slid down my arm and her fingers laced with mine.

Ella: Nate…I—I've learned a lot from you too. I've also become a lot more sarcastic since I've started talking to you.

I laughed nervously and waited for her to continue.

Ella: But you've helped me become so much more confident in myself. Whether you intended to or not. You make me feel like I'm not…just an extra.

Me: You're not—

Ella: I know.

She laughed, and huffed.

Ella: Will you let me finish? I didn't interrupt you, did I?

I nodded and motioned for her to continue.

Ella: Everything about you intrigues me. You're just so…different than any guy I've ever even been friends with. I've had people dismiss me and dumb things down for me a lot, and you never did that. Even when you were a rude jerk you never once dumbed things down. And I…I care a lot about you too. I've never been this far gone before…for anyone. It's scary and exciting…and addicting.

Me: So?

Ella: So…I'm definitely head over heels for you, Nate Black.

I felt myself smiling and I knew it was one of the biggest smiles that had ever been on my face.

Me: Really?

Ella: No, I'm lying to you because torturing you is fun. OF COURSE, really.

Me: Wow, you really have become a lot more sarcastic.

Ella: Your fault.

She sighed happily and rested her head on my shoulder. We sat quietly for a while, just enjoying each other.

Ella: How long have you…

Me: Had feelings for you? Since that day in my class when you played that song. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was definitely the moment. You?

Ella: The night I won the jam. You were trying so hard to get my attention…it was cute.

Me: It was torture. You tortured me.

Ella laughed.

Ella: And as much as I enjoyed it…I am sorry. You deserved it, but I'm still sorry.

I couldn't help but laugh at her tone.

Me: Yeah, thanks for those insincere apologies. I appreciate it.

She pulled her head away from my shoulder and I turned to look at her. It struck me just how beautiful she was. And I couldn't help what I did next.

Yes, you know what I did. I don't have to say it.

But I will anyway.

I kissed her.

And it was everything I thought it would be.

I have a feeling the rest of the summer is going to be amazing.


End file.
